Why relationships are turning into a death trap

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We are in a world where sex is free and love is expensive; where lies have become the norm.


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By Mercy Wanyonyi

Everything is wrong? So today I am having a deep talk with my son and I wish by the time he comes of age, I will tell him that is not the end of the world when his heart is broken.

I play card game, the common “poker”with him. Sometimes he wins sometimes he looses. I teach him life is not all about winning. He can not always get what he wants. We take a walk to our nearby supermarket; he asks for ice cream and I tell him no. He needs to get the NO for an answer whether explanation is given or not. Immunizing vitamin N for No in him. Am teaching him to love himself above all. It starts at the family level.

Why this talk?

Thoughts of the recent brutal murders of women is taking a toll on my mind.  It is a serious issue affecting whole society! We need serious conversations. Probably  love is differentt, but this is just portrays serious underlying issues in society.

Several people have justified this killings and they are unapologetic-ally sticking to the justifications. Not only men,  but women too.

The Shoka Emojis

My WhatsApp status then gives me all the reasons to put pen on paper as it evokes emotions from my contact list. My friends are chatting me on this Emoji za “shoka”  not funny! They joke about it as a lesson they learnt from the famous ”men’s conference”

Most of the respondents on the are men. They share their sentiments with me on matters love. Most of them have testified that they spend so much money on girls who eventually come to reject them. This makes the male species bitter lot. That is why they feel the girl child is getting a correct dose over the recent killings. The men bravely inform me their feelings can not be played with; they feel what most people are speaking is theoretical on why the boy-child is behaving as so.

I will dig dipper for the pragmatic reasons,it is a process. One thing I gather, love is serious and should not be taken for granted. It can bring out the worst of emotions  in people.

One of my friends says, ” Men who support women on this issue are weak.They have never experienced that feeling of true love and unfortunately nature has it that we never marry those who invoke such a feeling in us. It’s intense passion!!”

The world today

We are in a world where sex is free and love is expensive; where lies have become the norm. If you don’t fool your partner you are not clever enough. Boys prefer remaining boys and not growing up into men. In the world today, jumping from partner to partner for sex or attention is easier that waiting for right partner. I want to train my mind to be stronger than my emotions and this gets to my findings. I write this with fear in my heart and tears in my eyes; big girls cry too!

Dear ladies, here’s the bitter truth.

Dear ladies who want men to fund your lifestyle be ready for consequences. This does not in any way justify the killings, but if he invests in you he demands 100 loyalty. The sponsor culture is a big contributor to this. So my dear girls, if you are not getting into commitment make it clear; don’t use someone! Always ensure you are on the same page from the start.

Dear men

Please stop this femicide. Date your kind of woman, the one you don’t mind losing money to.  How much money you’ve lost? For the “tuma fare” “pesa ya nywele” kind of women, leave them to those who are comfortable sending them money. Leace them for those who won’t not kill them!

Learn to accept ‘NO’ for an answer. Rejection is real! The Pwani University student was recently stubbed for ending the relationship. She even returned the money send to her through mpesa. So now, should we not we say it’s over to a man? Can’t we say NO?

Gains and Losses

There are gains and losses in life.  We need to dust ourselves and live to fight another day.  Prevention is better than cure; don’t take an action you will regret tomorrow. we can’t find solutions ans harmony by pointing fingers at each other.

Outright moral decadence is being glorified. Evil no longer exists and this has to stop! Perpetrators  are people close to us. When a woman dies that is it! The dead tell no tales. It is unfortunate  graves can’t reveal their thoughts in silence.

Parting shot…

Most of us have been hurt, many times and been told uncountable lies but we still believe in love.  The famous empowerment of the woman is an ongoing train; the current boy Child needs to be empowered too, in order to handle this change. There are cases of Gender based Violence in Busia that we need to handle.  I condemn the killings. Mental health is my new and top most priority.

Mercy Wanyonyi is an Educator and a social change agent. She represented Busia County at Ms President contest in 2019.


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